


beat of my heart

by deathlytireddan



Series: oh, this is the beat of my heart (tour fics 2018) [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, interactive introverts, phil is tired and grumpy and dan tries to help, thats it basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 23:14:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14629035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathlytireddan/pseuds/deathlytireddan
Summary: “I’m fine.” Phil sounds grumpy even to himself.Dan rubs at the base of Phil’s neck, thumb finding a knot and pushing on it. Phil makes a small noise, eyes closing. He leans into Dan’s stomach.





	beat of my heart

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: none.
> 
> Title from Panic! At The Disco’s song This Is Gospel

Phil really, really, really doesn’t want to get out of bed. 

Phil feels like he’s just pulled the blankets up and snuggled down into Dan’s side, nestled inside layers of blankets and Dan’s arm. 

But the alarm is already going off on Dan’s phone. An annoyingly shrill beep that echoes around inside his skull and demands attention. And he can’t even turn it off. They learned the hard way to always have it on Dan’s side as Phil likes to turn it off in his sleep.

Phil pulls the blankets over his exposed ear, tunneling down into Dan’s armpit. He might've forgotten deodorant but it’s still better than the horrible alarm. 

The warm weight under Phil shifts and sighs, reaches for the phone and taps at it impatiently. Dan collapses back into the pillows with a muffled noise. They share a look, Phil peaking at him from his armpit. 

Dan looks confused and more than half-asleep, hair sticking up at strange angles and flattened on one side. “Why are you down there?” He rubs at the pillow creases on his face. 

“You’re slow,” Phil says. “Noisy.” He closes his eyes.

“How am I noisy?” Dan’s sleepy—soft voice is nice. Phil yawns. “Oh, no you don’t.” He shifts around, prying Phil from under his armpit. “We have shit to get done. Get up.”

Phil mumbles under his breath. Dan rolls his eyes and pushes at Phil insistently. He’s too gentle, though, and it’s more like a light tickle. 

“I’ll bring you coffee,” Dan says, trying to compromise. “Sleep for a few more minutes.”

Phil is suspicious, but he nods and extracts himself from Dan. The bed lifts as Dan stands and moves away. 

Dan’s body heat dissipates, and Phil can feel himself waking up. He sighs, trying to pretend it isn’t happening. They’d been up late, not having gotten to the hotel until past midnight. Not for the first time this week, either. 

Phil swings his legs off the bed, toes finding the rough carpet. 

He’ll have coffee and a hot shower. They don’t have to switch hotels until tomorrow, so he’ll have an early night and time to spare. 

Phil stands, stretching his arms above his head. “I’m too tired for this,” he mutters, before remembering Dan is finding breakfast.

He yawns again and reaches for a shirt. He doesn’t have time for self pity.

—

True to his word, Dan brings coffee and waffles and a fruit assortment, because he’s insisting on keeping them healthy. 

Phil doesn’t mind really, appreciates that Dan is trying. He blindly pushes a piece of waffle into his mouth and stares into space.

“Stop staring, you creep,” Dan says.

Phil doesn’t answer. He stirs his coffee, pouring in another sugar packet that probably doesn’t work with Dan’s health plans.

He can feel a headache forming in the back of his skull, where he’s tense and frustrated, meeting his neck and creating a line of pain along his shoulders.

“Shower?” Dan suggests carefully. His fork clinks as he sets it down. “After we eat, I mean. I’ll wash your hair.”

Phil gulps down his coffee. It’s too sweet now, but maybe it’ll wake him up more. “Sure.”

“Phil.” Dan stands and presses a kiss against his forehead. “You aren’t in a good mood and need, like, pampering.”

“I’m fine.” Phil sounds grumpy even to himself. 

Dan rubs at the base of Phil’s neck, thumb finding a knot and pushing on it. Phil makes a small noise, eyes closing. He leans into Dan’s stomach. 

Stupid, unconscious tears gather in his eyes. He hides his face, inhaling roughly. 

“And sleep,” Dan continues. “A lot of sleep. I can’t give you that yet but I can try to help. Let me help?” His voice goes a bit lower and quieter when he’s worried, always has. 

Phil’s heart warms. He tugs on Dan’s sleeve, pulling him down into a grateful hug. 

“Sorry.” 

Phil hates feeling childish. He doesn’t know if it comes from being the youngest in his family, always feeling like he needed to prove himself to be just as good as Martyn, or if it’s just the way he is.

“No, don’t say that.” Dan squeezes him a bit too hard, like he’s trying to make Phil feel the words. “”You feel how you feel, okay? Don’t apologize.” 

Phil rolls his eyes. Can’t help himself. “Thank your therapist next time you see them.” 

Dan nudges him. “Shut up,” he scoffs. “It’s true, anyway.”

Phil reluctantly leans away before Dan’s the one with a bad neck. “Thanks.” 

“Mmhmm.”

—

The shower lifts Phil’s spirits. Feeling clean and fresh always helps, like he’s resetting the day when he climbs out.

Making out against the tiles for a minute longer than they should helps, too.

—

“We’re gonna be late,” Dan says, pulling on his shoes. He doesn’t look too worried, though. 

Phil is waiting by the door, scrolling through his phone. They don’t have the show until later but they need to check on everyone, make sure things are running smoothly. 

“It’ll be fine.” Phil says, trying to excuse the making out. It was nice. He doesn’t want Dan to think they need to not do that anymore. Especially when he’s in a bad mood. 

Dan doesn’t argue, looking too amused and knowing for Phil’s liking, and soon they’re out the door, walking down the hall. 

Dan brushes Phil’s elbow with his fingers. “You’re okay, though?”

“Yeah.” He leans against Dan, just for a moment. 

—

The show and meet and greet are normal. No one falls, no one accidentally swears, no one says something just a bit too inappropriate for the parents and older siblings in the audience.

“Thank fuck,” Dan says, collapsing on the little sofa in their dressing room. 

Phil laughs, tired but happy. They’re both disgusting, shirts soaked with sweet. Dan’s curls have clumped together and are pushed onto his forehead. 

There’s already a checklist of everything that still needs doing forming in Phil’s mind.

But for now they’re resting, drinking water and eating a package of donuts from a vending machine. Dan has powdered sugar on his chin.

“That was good.” Phil smiles and wipes at Dan’s chin.

“Hey, stop mumming me.” Dan hasn’t stopped smiling since they stepped off the stage, a little thing in the corner of his mouth.

“You’re the one mumming with all the fruit.”

Dan’s eyebrows go up. “I’m mumming with the fruit, am I?”

“That doesn’t even make sense, you know.” Phil wipes his sugary fingers on Dan’s shirt in retaliation. 

“I’m not your personal napkin!”

“Then what’re you good for?”

“You’ll never know now.” 

Phil sniffs, unlocking his phone. “Fine by me.”

—

“Hey, Dan?” Phil is curled up against him, fingers resting on his chest, other arm around his side. 

They’re laying in bed, in the near darkness. The only light comes from the moon mixing with streetlights, sneaking in through the blinds. Phil can just make out Dan’s jaw move as he smiles.

“Yeah?” 

Phil moves back until he can see Dan’s eyes. “Thank you. For helping, I mean.” 

“You don’t need to thank me. I’m glad I can help.” 

“Me too. I mean—“ Phil’s tired brain is official done for the day. Right when he’s trying to tell Dan how much he loves him. “I’m glad we can help each other.” 

Dan pulls Phil forward and under his chin, big warm hands sliding over his back. “I’m glad you’re glad.”

Phil snorts. “I’m glad you’re glad you’re glad.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re glad I’m glad you’re glad.” 

“Glad isn’t a word anymore,” They say it at the same time, and laugh. 

In the morning, Phil knows he won’t really remember this conversation. It’s one in a long line, and nothing special. 

But for now it’s perfect, and he’s glad. Glad for his life, and for Dan. Silly as the word now sounds. 

“God. Fuck. We’re sleeping right now.” Dan says, grinning into Phil’s hair.

“No complaints here.”

And they do.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!! I don’t reply to comments, normally, because I’m a small anxious creature, but I read and reread (and reread x1000) every single one and they mean the world to me.
> 
> [reblog on tumblr](https://mylionbabe.tumblr.com/post/173843137230/beat-of-my-heart-ao3-link-warnings-none-word)


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